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DossierStardate -296677.7397520724Ref · 4917

Parade Day

The Chewbacchus Guide to Parading is, in the considered judgement of those who have attempted to parade without it, an utterly indispensable compendium for anyone navigating the glorious, chaotic, and often deeply weird phenomenon known as a Chewbacchus parade. Unlike less essential reads — instruction manuals for IKEA furniture, terms and conditions, the small print on a New Orleans rideshare receipt — the Guide is considered the definitive source of knowledge, offering wisdom gleaned from years of enthusiastic, sometimes bewildering, revelry.

Its cover is a sturdy, slightly sticky (from unknown, possibly alcoholic, residues) digital screen, upon which, in large, friendly (though perhaps a little smudged) letters, is emblazoned the words:

HANDLE YOUR SHIT

The Guide explains, with a weariness that only years of patiently answering the same questions can bring, that this is not merely a suggestion but a fundamental operating principle. It is the core message, repeated in various forms throughout the Guide’s many entries, because, frankly, members have a tendency not to Handle Their Own Shit, and instead expect the already-harried Overlords and saintly volunteers to Handle It For Them.

“Handle Your Shit,” the Guide elaborates in a section pointedly titled Seriously, Read the Email, means taking personal responsibility for one’s own participation in the grand spectacle. It applies to such bafflingly common behaviours as:

  • Registering for the parade at the eleventh hour, thereby incurring entirely avoidable, and clearly advertised, higher fees.
  • Procrastinating on subkrewe registration until the organisational charts resemble abstract art and the logistics team begins to quietly weep.
  • Blissfully ignoring official communications, only to then barrage Overlords and volunteers with questions that have been explicitly answered, often multiple times, in the very emails that were not read.
  • Generally assuming that someone else will magically sort out costume malfunctions, transportation woes, or the existential dread brought on by realising one’s chosen fandom is perhaps more obscure than initially thought.

The Guide does not mince words on this point. While the spirit of Chewbacchus is one of inclusive revelry and shared enthusiasm, it is not, repeat, NOT a full-service personal concierge. Handling Your Own Shit is, in the Guide’s formal estimation, an essential contribution to the glorious, slightly tipsy, forward momentum of the parade.

A note before going further: the Krewe maintains a parade-day companion app, Beacon 42, that surfaces the published lineup, the Droid Collar QR code, and push notifications from the Overlords. The dedicated entry is linked above; members are gently encouraged to install it before parade day, and the sections below reference it where relevant.

Parading 101

The basics, repeated yearly because they remain stubbornly essential. The Krewe’s position on each is, broadly, non-negotiable.

  • Pace yourself. Lineup to after-after-party is a long day on foot. Hydrate. Wear comfortable shoes. Eat a real lunch. The night runs on stamina, not enthusiasm.
  • No glass on the route. None. No glass throws, no beer bottles, no decorative bottles posing as throws. None. Members should not bring glass to the route at all. The reason is the obvious one.
  • No fire on the route. None. No fire-breathing, no flame effects, no incendiary devices, no candles arranged in the shape of the Sacred Drunken Wookiee. City regulations are categorical and the Krewe enforces them on the city’s behalf.
  • Maintain a slow and steady pace. The Krewe spends many months assembling a parade and the Guide gently encourages members to enjoy it once it’s rolling. Running to close gaps in the lineup creates the “accordion effect” — the kind of cascading panic that grows progressively worse the further back one is stationed.
  • Distribute throws strategically. Chewbacchus is, in its ambitions and on its better days, the only leave-no-trace parade in the universe. There is no requirement — statutory, religious, or otherwise — that every spectator on the route receive something.

Pack an Oh-Shit Kit

Things go wrong on parade day. Costumes give way at unfortunate angles. Contraptions develop opinions. The kit below is mostly contraption-oriented but applies to costumes and general parade-day misadventure equally well; the principle is to pack what would, in a worst case, get a member home in one piece.

Staple gun & staples · Duct tape, electrical tape, clear tape · Air pump · Fix-A-Flat · Batteries (AA, AAA, anything else assigned a role) · Bike lock · Zip ties · Scissors · Basic tool kit (hammer, pliers, wrench, bit screwdriver) · Hot glue gun & glue sticks (where contraptions carry power) · Utility knife · Bike tools · Bungee cords · Ratchet straps · Spare hardware: screws, nuts, bolts · Crazy glue · Tiny screwdriver · Sharpie · Safety pins · Earplugs · Flashlight · Paper towels and napkins · Trash bag(s)

Lineup

Lineup is, in the Guide’s description, a magical place — equal parts staging area, social club, and structured pandemonium. Members are encouraged to arrive with enough time to load contraptions, pick up any last-minute wristbands, and walk around to admire what their fellow krewe-mates have built before the rolling begins in earnest.

Subkrewes must register in advance to be placed in the parade-day lineup. Registration runs through Krewebacchus and closes at the end of December the year prior to parade day. Placement is at the discretion of the Overlords and the Lineup Coordinator, and depends on size, theme, contraption, music, and the various structural concerns the Lineup Coordinator quietly tracks.

  • Zones. The route is broken into zones to keep lineup density manageable. Subkrewes are assigned a zone with their final placement. The Guide encourages members to introduce themselves to the contingents immediately ahead and behind — especially helpful when the lineup begins moving and small adjustments are needed.
  • Parking. Parking near lineup is, in the technical sense, a finite resource. Carpool and rideshare are strongly preferred; members parking in the neighbourhood should read every street sign carefully, since the city has a long memory and the boot is not a friend.
  • Arrival. The published lineup — zone placement, contraption position, SubKrewe affiliation — is visible to members in Beacon 42, with last-minute reassignments reflected in real time. (Lineup is a live thing on parade day; relying on a version printed earlier in the week is, as the Guide drily notes, an act of optimism.) The same data is available at krewebacchus.org. Arrival times depend on zone placement and are typically between 4 and 6 PM on parade day.

Droid Collars

The Droid Collar is the Krewe’s wristband: it admits members into the parade itself and into the Chewbacchanal after-party. Distribution begins in the weeks leading up to parade day; specific dates and venues are announced each year through the membership channels.

Pickup is by QR code — each member’s unique QR is visible in Beacon 42 (and at krewebacchus.org) and is presented at the distribution tent to receive the wristband. Members are strongly encouraged to pick up before parade day. Anyone who hasn’t can do so at the main Chewbacchus tent at lineup, between 3 and 6 PM. Distribution closes promptly at 6 PM, no exceptions, no excuses; members without a visible Droid Collar during the parade will be asked to leave.

Red Shirts have their own distribution rules, which are documented at Red Shirt Operations.

Contraptions

The Krewe’s contraptions — from carefully-engineered DIY rigs to the spontaneously-assembled and the structurally questionable — are the parade’s rolling stock. Contraption rules, propulsion clauses, and the long checklist for parade-day reliability live in the dedicated entry at Building Contraptions. The brief, parade-day-relevant version: no fire, no riders on tugged float-like structures, 11 feet tall and under, and test before rolling.

Contraption parking

Overnight parking for contraptions is available at the end of the parade route. The fee is $25; the lot is for contraptions only (no vehicles). Printed parking permits are distributed at Droid Collar distribution events and should be attached to the contraption upon parking. Contraption parking purchase runs through Krewebacchus.

Security is stationed in the lot; subkrewes should nonetheless secure and lock their gear, and contraptions should remain physically moveable so they aren’t trapped behind another that needs to leave first.

Contraption collection

Contraption collection is the Sunday after the parade, with hydration and breakfast booze laid on as a courtesy. Specific times and the collection location are confirmed in the days before. The Handle Your Shit policy is in full effect: anything not collected by the announced cutoff is relocated to the street.

Throws

The Krewe’s signature throws — bandoliers, bando blocks, pocket shrines — are documented, alongside throw rules and a great many supplier links, at Throws & Costumes. The parade-day-relevant version: no glass, no plastic packaging, no condoms or live animals (yes, this needed to be specified), and no commercial advertisements or coupons. Plastic Mardi Gras beads, while not technically banned, are gently and consistently frowned upon by the Sacred Drunken Wookiee.

Other entries of interest

  • Beacon 42 — the Krewe’s parade-day companion app. Droid Collar QR code, lineup placement, push notifications, optional location sharing.
  • Become a ChewbacchanALIEN — for the dues structure, early-bird discounts, and the procedural side of membership.
  • Red Shirt Operations — the parade-escort corps’ operational handbook (Droid Collars, distribution events, gear return, parade-day arrival times).
  • Building Contraptions — rules, design principles, and the practical wisdom of casters.
  • Throws & Costumes — what to make, what not to make, and where to source the glitter.
  • The Chewbacchanal — the post-parade party. Free for paid members.
  • Golden Wookiees — the Royalty Dinner traditionally precedes parade day; recipients and the Wookiee’s history live there.
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T−256d · Chewbacchus 2027